We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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