I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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