I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
