im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
