It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Randomize
