My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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