my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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