You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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