You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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