barbara walters just said penis...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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