i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day