Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
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The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.