Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.