I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
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it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back