Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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