somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.