I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste