I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
True strength comes from lack of pants
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer