worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.