You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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