I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
