my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
