my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why do cheetos always look like penises
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
