he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
whose parrot is this?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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