Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
