she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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