I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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