is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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