I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wear drunk well.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
