He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
