my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
