if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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