it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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