Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
