I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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