So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
