Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
