This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
