i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
