So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
