After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
