i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
