Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
