I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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