is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
