This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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