I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
