Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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