Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
