if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
