The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
