Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
