Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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