I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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