My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
