he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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