we're chasing vodka with high fives
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
