Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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