she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
