there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
