I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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