How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
