He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
