...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
