Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
