i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
