"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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