normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
