he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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