Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
