I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My pussy is not your playground.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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