I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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