You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
