I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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