I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
