Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
