discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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