Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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