9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
