a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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