i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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