He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
