Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
