now i know why i became what i already was.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
